The Laws of Physics Don't Apply to Me

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5 Mar 2004

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

College Application essay by Hugh Gallagher, author of Teeth.

Posted on Friday, March 5, 2004 at 8:27 AM | 0 TrackBacks

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