I get up when I want, except on Wednesdays
when I get rudely awakened by the dustman.

BACKGROUND: This story takes place after Nancy has been ostracized in her hometown because her neighbors were sick of her going through their garbage for clues. She has also been stalked by an evil man with long hair and a funny accent who wanted to steal her elbows. In the face of this danger, she and her father have relocated and started over.

PART One

Nancy awoke early Tuesday morning to an obscenely bright and sunshiny day. She yawned, her mouth forming a gaping, pear-shaped maw before swinging her designer slipper clad feet to the floor. Blast! Some evil, fiendish villain had stolen all traction from her upper-middle class suburban home! Sweat began to pour from her face as her heart entered a fluttering state of panic. NO! She raced across the slippery surface into the lounge, nearly tripping over the stuffed aardvark in her path, only to find her elderly, balding father already there. "Calm down sweetie, its OK. They didn't get the charge cards."

"Thank God! But what sort of monstrous demonic soul could have hatched this diabolical plot? You told me Dave would never find us here!"

"I don't know," he said in a somber, gravely voice like the one newscasters save for drug-related shoplifting on Super Bowl Sunday. "The only clues they left were this broken off piece of sausage and the letter 'F' that they carved into my favorite fern. Tippy the house llama must have frightened them away before they could finish their message."

"Well, aren't you going to move your saggy, wrinkly carcass and do something about it?"

"But punkin, my career as an overpriced lawyer in addition to being a philandering alcoholic doesn't leave much room in my schedule. Besides, aren't you supposed to be the budding sleuth in this family?"

"But Daaaaad! I'm already on the case of the six-inch, stiletto-heeled, sling-backed, red patent-leather pumps!"

Thus ends our story for the day. But for fun,

try saying "red leather, yellow leather" seven and a half times real fast.

On to Part Two of Our Story!