Laffy Taffy Jokes (the worst jokes in the world)
Hey, here are the worst jokes in the world for you. Heather likes them, but there's no accounting for taste. I'm putting on the good and the bad, so don't complain to me about it. These jokes came from the Laffy Taffy Candy; we don't vouch for their quality because we didn't make them up.
What happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? -- you rock to the beat.
How do you mend a broken jack o' lantern? -- with a pumpkin patch.
what do you call a lease of false teeth? -- a dental rental
Where did the kittens go on the class trip -- to the meow-seum.
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? -- a watchdog
What did the art dealer say when a man asked what a picture was supposed to be? -- a reflection of you.
what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? -- shore
What falls down but never gets hurt? -- snow
What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? -- a honey comb
How do you get a peanut to laugh? -- you crack it up
Who greets you at a haunted house? -- a host ghost
Why did the farmer bury all his money? -- to make his soil rich
Where can you find an ocean without water? -- on a map
What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts? -- a hobby horse
Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles
What do you call an avid gardener? -- herb
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? -- a poul-tree
What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? -- a grape nobody picks on
What did the tree say to the mountain? -- stop peaking at me!
What are sailors' favorite fruits? -- naval oranges
Where does a penguin keep his money? -- in a snow bank
What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the Brits)? -- Let's dance and I'll dip you.
Why do bees have sticky hair? -- they use honeycombs
Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop? -- he wanted to get the scoop
Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? -- she broke her angle
What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? -- a chipmonk
What kind of trees sew? -- pine trees, they always have needles around
What did the plate say to the other plate? -- lunch is on me.
What did the man say when the picture fell on his head? -- I've been framed!
Did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? -- They gave the actors stage fright
How do you turn soup into gold? -- add 24 carrots (karats)
What do you do if a rhino charges you? -- Give him your credit card.
Why did they bury the battery? -- Because it was dead.
What do sneezes wear on their feet? -- ahh-shoes
What do wolves say when they are introduced? -- howl do you do?
What does a car run on? -- wheels
What did the sink say to the water faucet? -- you're a real drip
where do pigs park their cars? -- in a porking lot
Why did the banana leave the cinema? -- the film didn't appeal to him.
Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry? -- because his mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a hot dog in a bun? -- an in betweenie weenie.
Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink? -- He found a leek there.
How do you make a witch itch? -- take away her W
What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? -- tug of whore
*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*
What do you call a crab who plays baseball? -- a pinch-hitter
What is the clumsiest bee? -- a bumbling bee
What kind of bean can't grow? -- a jelly bean
Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars? -- a martian mellow
How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? -- eclipse it
What do you do when you have no rubber bands? -- find a plastic orchestra
-- -- -- -- and some old favorites -- -- -- -- -- -
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? -- time to get a new fence.
What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender
What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? -- a dead school bus
Why did the man throw his margarine? -- he wanted to see the butter fly
What did the finger say to the thumb? -- I'm in glove with you (heather's favorite)
What's brown and sticky? -- a stick
What's red and not there -- no tomatoes
What's white and flies through the sky? -- the coming of the lord
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? -- a very cross penguin
February 18, 2004, 8:14 PM | « Previous | Next »
Keywords: jokes, humor, laffy taffy, funny, lists, candy
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Comments
1 On Mon, Feb 12, 2007, Tushar Ray said:
Throughly enjoyed ...Office work was getting a bit tedious, wanted something to pep me up. Your page did the trick. Brought back memories 40 years back, when we used to impress the girls with these one liners...Cheers
Tushar
2 On Mon, Feb 12, 2007, will said:
Do doctors make house calls? only when your house is really sick!
3 On Mon, Feb 19, 2007, ray said:
why was it so hot after the football game? because all of the fans left!!! (HA HA HA....by far the best one)
4 On Tue, Feb 20, 2007, Rebecca said:
My personal favorite is the game and fans left as posted above...but the halloween one...
What did one casket say to the other casket? Is that you coffin?
5 On Sun, Mar 18, 2007, Clo said:
I cant say which is my favorite, but I LOVE the laffy taffy jokes. They are so clever, and cute, and they put me in a good mood.
6 On Tue, Apr 10, 2007, Peter said:
What kind of candy is always late? a choco-late!!!
7 On Thu, Apr 12, 2007, john said:
how do you keep a fish from smelling? put a clothes-pin on its nose!
8 On Sat, Apr 14, 2007, christina said:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
9 On Sun, Apr 22, 2007, Jay said:
Wuts green,black,white,black,green?
Two pickles fighting for an OREO! bahaha. man o man.
10 On Tue, Apr 24, 2007, Amy said:
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Cows say.
Cows say who?
No silly cows say moo!
haha gets me everytime! :]
11 On Sun, Apr 29, 2007, Kristin said:
Why did the cowboy buy a weiner dog?
because someone told him to get along little doggy
12 On Sun, Apr 29, 2007, Kristin said:
Why was Cinderella so bad at sports?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball
13 On Wed, May 2, 2007, tara said:
What did the mexican fire chief name his two sons?
Hose A and Hose B
14 On Mon, May 21, 2007, Robert said:
What are caterpillars afraid of?
Dogerpillars
15 On Thu, May 24, 2007, adam said:
What is Green and Sings?
Elvis Parsely
16 On Wed, May 30, 2007, amandaaaaaa said:
mkaaay.
why did the chicken cross the road?
-to get to the other sideee!
why did the gummmm cross the road?
-because it was stuck to the chicken's feet!!!
ahhh, hahahaha.
:D
17 On Wed, May 30, 2007, nicoleeeeee said:
why did the monkey fall out of the tree?..
- cause it was dead!...
why did the duck fall out of the tree?..
- cause it was stappled to the monkey
mwa ha ha ha
much love :D
18 On Sun, Jun 24, 2007, sophia said:
this was so great told these to my co- workers in a call center while we where working and it realy made the day go by we all loved it -sophia va beach va
19 On Tue, Jun 26, 2007, angie said:
what do eskimos get when they sit on ice too long?
POLARoids!! hahahah
i LOOVE that one:)
20 On Sun, Jul 1, 2007, megan said:
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday& Sunday, The rest are weak-days!
: ]
21 On Fri, Jul 6, 2007, Janet said:
what is underneath a roosters wing?
Answer: A Cockpit
22 On Fri, Jul 6, 2007, Janet said:
If there was one, what would be the bounty
on a pirate?
Answer: about a buck an ear (buccaneer)
23 On Wed, Jul 18, 2007, bre said:
what did one math book say the other?
i don't know about you but i have alot of problems!!!!!
non pg version... add me subtract the lights divide your legs and lets multiply!!!!!
24 On Wed, Jul 25, 2007, jennifer gonzalez said:
why was the tomato blushing??
because it saw the salad dressing!!
that's my favorite!!
25 On Thu, Jul 26, 2007, Kari said:
What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer...?
...One sells watches and the other watches cells.
I read that one in a Laffy Taffy probably 20 years ago, back when they were wrapped in squares with the jokes printed on the inside of the wrapper.
26 On Mon, Aug 6, 2007, Christine said:
What did the cabbage preacher say to his church?
Lettuce pray!
27 On Mon, Aug 6, 2007, Leproduradon said:
Wow, some of these are great.
28 On Tue, Aug 21, 2007, Bryce said:
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his Sleevies!
29 On Mon, Sep 10, 2007, Christina said:
What's is a dentist's favorite instrument???
A tuba tooth paste :)
30 On Thu, Sep 13, 2007, Amanduh said:
What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle?
You mean a great DILL to me!!
31 On Wed, Sep 19, 2007, Stephanie said:
What does a pig write with?
An oink pen.
Why did the children all eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
32 On Thu, Sep 20, 2007, Angela said:
Haha these are great! lol real knee slappers =D
So anways
What did one sandwich say to the other sandwich?? -- your full of bologna!
Oh gee, i have too much fun with that one
33 On Fri, Sep 28, 2007, Kyle said:
What do yuh call Lassie with a rose in his mouth?
Collie flower. (cauliflower) :P
34 On Sun, Oct 7, 2007, Kyle Patton said:
What do you call a highway potrolman with a diaper on- A pooper trooper!
35 On Thu, Nov 1, 2007, Tom said:
We have taken a vote in our office where we LIVE on Laffy Taffy.
The top two in the office are:
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky!
What do Christmas and a cat in the desert have in common?
Both have Sandy Claws!
By far the best two
36 On Thu, Nov 8, 2007, Shauna said:
very cute jokes but my fav...
How do you make a tissue dance?
you put a little boogie in it!!
37 On Sun, Nov 11, 2007, lucas said:
why was the ocean arrested?
because he kept beating up on the beach...
38 On Sun, Nov 11, 2007, Jackie said:
my FAVORITE Laffy Taffy joke:
What kind of cheese isn't your cheese?!
NACHO Cheese!!!!
HAHAHA after all these years, it still makes me laugh =]
39 On Wed, Nov 14, 2007, arthur said:
why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
cause if they had 4 they would be a chicken sedan
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
best joke in the whole WORLD
40 On Tue, Nov 27, 2007, Chris Hart said:
what do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear!!
Where did the Spaghetti go to dance? The meat ball!!!!
41 On Sat, Dec 15, 2007, Pip said:
Well my girlfriend told me this one for like every day for a fortnight so I think I have the right to steal it :)
What did one cornflake say to another cornflake?
I'll tell you next week it's a cereal!
I know it's one to groan at :)
42 On Sat, Dec 15, 2007, Pip said:
Well my girlfriend told me this one for like every day for a fortnight so I think I have the right to steal it :)
What did one cornflake say to another cornflake?
I'll tell you next week it's a cereal!
I know it's one to groan at :)
43 On Tue, Dec 18, 2007, Stephanie said:
Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
He was scared of the bark!
44 On Sun, Dec 30, 2007, Lacey said:
My favorite one is:
When does it rain money? -when theres change in the weather!!! HHHHAAA!!!
45 On Mon, Jan 7, 2008, liz said:
Why do gorilla's have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!!!
Hee Hee Hee!!!!
46 On Mon, Jan 21, 2008, John said:
Whats the best way to brush your hare?
Hold him firmly by his long ears and brush gently.
Hilarious!
47 On Mon, Jan 28, 2008, Adam said:
My son's fav.
Why couldnt orange roll UP the hill
It ran out of JUICE
LOL
48 On Tue, Jan 29, 2008, Stephanie said:
Why did the man take a hammer to bed?
He wanted to hit the sack.
Why do mother kangaroos hate the rain?
Because the kids have to play inside all day.
49 On Sun, Feb 3, 2008, bell said:
What do you call a pony with a cough......
A little hoarse!
hahahahahaha
50 On Wed, Feb 6, 2008, the megster said:
dude these are awesome!! they make me smile :]]
51 On Tue, Feb 12, 2008, Alli said:
These are cute! I luv laffy taffy!
52 On Tue, Feb 12, 2008, niki said:
why was the belt arrested??????????
for holding up the pants
53 On Wed, Feb 13, 2008, Amanda said:
LOL these are great -- some of my favs:
What do you call one cow spying on another cow?
-A steak out.
Why was the policeman in bed?
-He was undercover.
Why was six afraid of seven?
-Because seven eight(ate) nine!
There were two muffins in an oven and one muffin turned to the other and said, "MAN! IT"S HOT IN HERE" and the other muffin said, "AHHH! TALKING MUFFIN!"
LOLOLOLOL!! oh make my day.
54 On Thu, Feb 28, 2008, dtrask said:
What washes up on really small beaches?
- Microwaves.
:]
55 On Tue, Mar 4, 2008, Lele said:
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
-Because if they flew over the bay they would be baygulls! ah haha! BAGELS!!
56 On Fri, Mar 7, 2008, Kasey said:
"What is Green and Sings?
Elvis Parsely"
Be more specific... i've always heard "whats green and sings blue suede shoes?" with the same answer
57 On Wed, Mar 19, 2008, Natalie said:
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his Quarterback!!!
58 On Fri, Apr 4, 2008, Suzie said:
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogy in it! HAHA!
LOVE IT!
59 On Mon, Apr 7, 2008, dave said:
If two collars had a race how would it end??? In a tie! lol louv that one
60 On Tue, Apr 8, 2008, Carrie said:
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A GUMMY BEAR! =p
61 On Wed, Apr 9, 2008, SteveDave said:
Why don't ducks laugh?
- Because they'll quack up
62 On Wed, Apr 16, 2008, Jen said:
If you are an American in the kitchen, what nationality are you in the bathroom?
European
(Not a LT joke, but just as cheesy!)
HA!
63 On Fri, Apr 18, 2008, Hannah said:
Why did the cactus cross the road ?
because he was stuck to the chicken's back.
bahahahaha. that's flippin hilarious !
64 On Thu, Apr 24, 2008, Will said:
What do you call Lassie with a rose in her mouth?
A cauliflower.
65 On Sun, Apr 27, 2008, Britney said:
omg why are these so funny!
66 On Sun, Apr 27, 2008, Britney said:
omg why are these so funny!
67 On Thu, May 8, 2008, paige <3 said:
what do a cow and a grape have in common?
they're both purple...
except for the cow!!
:]] i love that one
68 On Thu, May 8, 2008, brandon said:
omg paige.
i love that one!
its my favorite :p