Possibly True Stories: Cactus Planters
An elementary school class started a class project to make planters to take home to their parents. They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants. The students were given green-ware pottery planters in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze. The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process. It was great fun!
True Stories
These funny stories all came to me labeled "True!" and "Actually happened!" although several of them have been debunked by Snopes.com. [58 entries.]
Delicious Nut Sale (Spay-Neuter Serv.)
Several years ago, I posted a memo to my site that went around at work, because I thought it was really funny -- It was a fund-raising notice from Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana announcing their "Delicious Annual Nut Sale" to raise money for their programs. Yesterday, one of the folks from the organization found the post on my blog and...
Delicious Annual Nut Sale (Spay-Neuter Serv.)
I know this "true story" is true, because it's an actual memo that got sent around our work email.
Darwin Awards 2001
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
Darwin Awards 2000
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
Silly State Laws
North Carolina: It is illegal to make love on the floor of a hotel room between two double beds.
The Raft
And you thought this only happened in the movies. Jerry swears this story about a rubber boat really happened to him...
A Heartwarming Story
The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
Customer "Support" At A Phone Company
I work in Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker just told me this true story that happened to him this morning. He had a dispute about a phone-card bill for long distance service from his long-distance carrier, which we shall refer to by the three-letter acronym TLA to protect the guilty.
Accidental Accident Reports
The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Such instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that incompetency can be highly entertaining.
In the Park
Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:
Letters to Landlords
Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords by their tenants.
The Landing
This is in fact a true letter written by an 8-year-old onboard a Quantus flight. She handed it to a flight attendant to give to the captain.
Actual Label Instructions On Consumer Goods
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
College Chemistry Humor
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Actual News Headlines
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Ain't Kids A Gas?
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? I hope you remember my story when they start getting frustrated.
English as a Fifth Language
These sayings were on a pad of paper my boss got in Chinatown:
Actual Driving School Exam Answers
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Student Bloopers, Part 8 - Mars and Venus
Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of the differences between Men and Women offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University
Student Bloopers, Part 7 - Science Facts & Legends
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.'
Student Bloopers, Part 6 - High School Essay Contest: Worst Analogies
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
Student Bloopers, Part 5 - Quotes from 11 Year-Old's Science Exams
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
Student Bloopers, Part 4 - Where They Get It
A list of parental excuses supposedly sent to teachers. In these samples, names were replaced with either Fred or Mary to protect innocent and guilty alike.
Student Bloopers, Part 3 - Children's Proverbs
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
Student Bloopers Part 2 - World History
Richard Lederer, St. Paul's School One of thefringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you...
Student Bloopers Part 2 - World History
One of thefringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
Student Bloopers, Part 1 - European History
Those who forget history--and the English language--may be condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders Henriksson, a five- year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded his freshman students' more striking insights into European history. Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from the Middle Ages to the present.
The Psychic Dog
Author Unknown It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other....
A Little Extra Effort
In Melbourne, Fl. one of the radio stations paid money ($100-$500) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner: I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just...
The Wisdom Of Supermodels
Note: Most of these quotes have been debunked on Snopes.com as untrue. ON COURAGE: "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, 'Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.'" -Cindy Crawford ON POVERTY: "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." -Beverly Johnson...
Travel Agent Stories
The following are actual stories told by travel agents... A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent...
Video Trouble
Phone call actually received by someone I know, from next-door neighbor: "Our cable TV is having interference right now, is yours?" "Not as far as I know... what channel are you watching?" "We're not watching a channel. We're playing a tape." During the Gulf war, here in Israel, there was a family watching the Cosby show, and taping it just...
The Bricklayer's Accident Report
This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick is this Bricklayer's report:
Quotes Taken from Performance Evaluations
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."...
Actual Job Interview Excerpts
A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low lights: Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application....
My Manager Really Said This
A magazine recently ran a Dilbert quotes contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions
More Kid's Wisdom
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Kids Say The Darndest Things
Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute, very enlightening, and amusing.
Children's Letters to God
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane
Carjacking Foiled - A True Story...
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon return, found four males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she knew how to use the gun and she would if required: so get out of the car, NOW!
Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What...
So You Think You're Having A Bad Day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
What To Do If An Anaconda Attacks You
Excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle. It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.
What the Airport Gate Attendants Think of You
Nick says: This was given to me by an Continetal airline gate attendant at Newark International Airport. We had been standing around chatting for a couple of hours while a plane was flown in to take me on a MUCH delayed flight.
Air Force Maintenance Complaints
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
Airplane Landings
Real stories from Flight Attendants apologizing for rough transport on the airlines.
Airplane Maintenance Reports
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
At the Airline Ticket Counter
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
Actual Newpaper Ads
These ads supposedly appeared in real papers. "Bite the wax tadpole." - Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." - ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese "It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant." - Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad "Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a...
Yes, They Really Said That...
Unbelievable quotes of the rich and famous.
Quayle Quotes
Recently, Dan Quayle announced his intentions to run for President of the U.S. in 2000. Since many younger voters may not have been watching the news when these were said the first time, we provide you with this list of famous Quayle quotes.
Darwin Awards 1999
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
Humorous American Signs
On an Electrician's truck - Let us remove your shorts
Humorous English Signs From Around The World
Sometimes things just get lost in translation...
Darwin Awards 1998
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
Darwin Awards 1997
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
Darwin Awards 1996
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
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