The Count Censored
Shocking! Really, I had no idea....
Jokes
[256 entries.]
At the doggie drive thru
moar funny pictures...
Today's xkcd
I think I'll stick to my hobby. Although I do worry about line 7 of this chart....
The Front Fell Off
That's really not supposed to happen....
This is mighty
I really need to get the hell off of youTube this morning. I love one of the comments "It's like if Beck, John McCrea of Cake, and Liam Lynch all got together and rocked the First Continental Congress." had a pocket full of horses, fucked the shit out of bears. threw a knife up into heaven and killed with a...
Boom Goes the Dynamite
I had only heard about this; never seen the video before. Poor kid. So embarrassing that he's from my alma mater....
It's All Because.... (The Gays are Getting Married)
(via Maxine Dangerous)...
Rejected Openings for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
From theonering.net One morning, when Harry Potter woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single wizard in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wand. The sky above Privet Drive was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel....
Yes, you can has cheezburger.
(from Boing Boing)...
"I'm here to shoot a pilot"
Boing Boing is questioning whether this is actually true, but it seems to be making the rounds and has shown up on numerous news sites: Director Mike Figgis spent longer at LAX airport than intended. He'd arrived in Los Angeles, along with half the acting and directing world, for what is known as 'pilot season', when the big studios try...
OMG Ponies! (LOL Presidents)
Fark sponsors LOL presidents photoshop contest: And also an lol presidents blog....
Kids First (Adults for Dessert)
From Sigsegv's photo stream: One of the funniest things I've ever seen....
Kingdom In The Sky
Kingdom In The Sky by DaVinci's Notebook From the album: The Life and Times of Mike Fanning Link will expire in 7 days All my life I have been searching for that fabled promised land, With my sisters and my brothers, we shall walk there hand-in-hand. Through the trials and tribulations, and the devil's cruel temptations I know that...
The Notorious Al-Gebra Movement
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious...
Delicious Annual Nut Sale (Spay-Neuter Serv.)
I know this "true story" is true, because it's an actual memo that got sent around our work email.
Elementary, Dear Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.
Valentines Day Thoughts From The Quotable And Notable
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. -- Dorothy Parker
My Favorite Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch...
I Am The Very Model Of An Ex-Gay Individual
by Justin, of Gay Christian.net as Justin points out on his site, "Ex-gay" people admit they have what they call ongoing "same gender attraction" (called SGA in the song) but claim they're not actually gay. (Never mind that the definition of gay is "being attracted to some one of your own sex.) I. I am the very model of an...
Super Bowl Sunday
What do you call 53 guys sitting around today watching the Super Bowl? The New England Patriots. Ha! The Chicago Bears took the field for their first Super Bowl practice in Miami. Not long after the practice started a Bear offensive player noticed a white, powdery substance on the field. Practice was immediately stopped and experts were called in to...
Admit it...
Forwarded via email, and funny enough that I felt like posting it. Admit it ... you feel like doing this to at least one person everyday!...
Interoffice Games
A list of games to play at work, shamelessly cribbed from Jane McGonigal's gaming blog, but she received it in e-mail from her mom, so fair sharing must apply. I recognize some of these from some of my other lists of pranks you can play. How many points can you rack up in a day? A week?...
Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey's Book
From "The Late Show With David Letterman," Top Ten Lists: 10. "The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself" 9. "How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years" 8. "From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I'd Like to Oil Up" 7. "Another Confession – I Can't Resist Entenmann's Pound Cake" 6. "At First I Just Thought I Was Bipartisan" 5. "The...
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY 4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON 5. One hand on wheel, one hand on...
Deja... What?
Stacy Mineart A funny list of definitions written several years ago by my sister. Ok, so the following are other, less common forms of deja vu: Deja boo: The feeling that I've been frightened like this before Deja coup: The feeling my government has been overthrown like this before. Deja clue: The feeling that colonel mustard has done it in...
10 Dating Tips By Way of Hollywood
author unknown 1. People Who Hate Each Other on Sight Usually End Up Falling in Love ("The Way We Were," "Titanic," most Astaire/Rogers movies). Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid each other in the future. And if you ever really tried the sort of things Hollywood calls "meeting cute" -...
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Author Unknown ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from...
A joke from our friend Veronica
A man walked into the women's department of Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." What type of bra?" asked the clerk. Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every...
Fear Itself
From Kung Fu Monkey, via Masson's Blog: FDR: Oh, I’m sorry, was wiping out our entire Pacific fleet supposed to intimidate us? We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and right now we’re coming to kick your ass with brand new destroyers riveted by waitresses. How’s that going to feel? CHURCHILL: Yeah, you keep bombing us. We’ll be in...
Somebody get these M-F liquids off this M-F Plane
From John Castle, via Boing Boing....
How to Run A Country
Shamelessly stolen from the comments section at Taking Down Words: On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?" "That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors." "But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?"...
Photoshop Hacks: Choose Your Own Adventure Novels
My brother Todd had a ton of the Choose Your Own Adventure novels (the early version of video games). Check out Something Awful's photoshop contest for "Rejected CYOA Books." My favorites are "Don't Bother, You Die In Most of the Endings Anyway" and "Everyone Wants to Touch My Giant Snake and Jewels." Also: "Shrödinger's Cat. Choose from 2 possible endings."...
More Things I Learned From The Movies
Signals If a tapping sound or flashing light represents morse code, there's always someone around that can interpret the message. When Morse Code is used, the interpreter will call out words as they are being sent, rather than letters. Furthermore, a single word is represented by a few "beeps", and all words are sent at the same rate, no matter...
Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.
I am the Very Model of a Modern Unitarian
I am the Very Model of a Modern Unitarian by Christopher Gist Raible
Permutations of Borg...
Author Unknown Since Borgs have come up recently in a conversation I had, I thought it would be funny to surface this joke list while moving it from my static pages into my content management system. Unfortunately, lots of the jokes are dated by now....
Dick Cheney Shoots Me
And then Dick Cheney shot me, too! That bastard!!! Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter 'Steph was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good' Sunday, February 12, 2006; Posted: 9:01 p.m. EST (02:01 GMT) WASHINGTON (AP) -- Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend Wabbit hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow...
Dick Cheney Shoots Lady Liberty
Passed along to me by my friend Ian.. (Not Really) CNN -- Lady Liberty, a 225-year-old Freedom Fighter, was in stable condition, a hospital spokeswoman said. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend Traitor hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets. Lady Liberty, a millionaire...
Blonde Joke
I'm not a fan of blonde jokes, being blonde myself, but this one is darned funny!!...
Nature's Harmonious Money Cycle
Fafblog explains how trickle-down economics work for you: That's right! You're the tiny microscopic planktony thing about to get eaten by the octopus! You're right next to the leprechaun with the magical pot of pixie gold who's gonna pay down the national debt. So if you're feelin cold, sick and hungry this winter while Larry Ellison buys an extra boat,...
Dingell’s HOLIDAY Jingle for O’Reilly and House GOP
Congressman John D. Dingell (MI-15) recited the following poem on the floor of the US House of Representatives concerning House Resolution 579.
Weekly Grocery Lists for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, Summer 1962
WEEK ONE Beans Bacon Coffee Whiskey WEEK TWO Beans Ham Coffee Whiskey WEEK THREE Beans Bacon Coffee Whiskey K-Y WEEK FOUR Beans Pancetta Coffee (espresso grind) Whiskey 2 tubes K-Y WEEK FIVE Fresh fava beans Jasmine rice Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced Medallions of veal Porcini mushrooms 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42...
Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
A Halloween Story
A Halloween Story Author Unknown A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a....... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way...
Bad Halloween Jokes
Author Unknown Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A. They're afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? A. No body Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining? A. Bone appetit ! Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? A. Dayscare centers Q. Who did...
How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed; 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed; 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb; 4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs; 5. One...
How to Sing the Blues
A Primer For Beginners
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
Author Unknown 20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." 15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. 14....
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
Author Unknown 20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." 15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. 14....
Computer T-Shirt Sayings
Author Unknown Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore? (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend it didn't happen? Any given program will expand to fit available memory plus 1K Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill something Calm down -- it's only ones and zeroes Computers are like the Old Testament God -- lots of rules and no mercy Computers...
How Does a Chicken Cross the Road?
Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
Bush Dimbulbs
How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb? None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed...
How the Bushies Change a Light Bulb
How many members of the Bush administration are required to replace the proverbial light bulb? The Answer is SEVEN: (1) one to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced; (2) one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb; (3) one to blame the previous administration for the need of a...
Henry Kissinger
How I got Henry Kissinger to sign a lyrics sheet from the Monty Python song.
SURVIVOR SOUTHERN STYLE
Several southern TV stations are joining together and are planning to do their own Survivor show, entitled "Survivor: Southern Style."...
Leprechauns
I am a leprechaun, and I can have anything I wish for!
What Is An Irishman?
Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so inconvenient for his neighbors.
Three Irish Brothers
The bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
Golfing in Ireland
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golfball lying right beside him.
The Longest Joke in the World
You'll never have to go farther for a cheesy punchline than in this joke... but it's worth it.
Haiku Error Messages
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. ABORTED effort: Close all that you have. You ask far too much. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. Errors have occurred. We won't tell you where or why. Lazy programmers. Everything is...
Apple vs. Microsoft
Author Unknown Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee. "Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple...
New Medical Leave and Related Company Policies
The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks.
Major U.S. Research University Discovers New Element
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.
Selections from the Oprah Book Club or Episodes of Magnum P.I.?
1. Death of the Flowers 2. River, Cross My Heart 3. The Arrow That Is Not Aimed 4. Songs in Ordinary Time 5. Going Home 6. Stones from the River 7. Echoes Of The Mind 8. A Lesson Before Dying 9. Let Me Hear The Music 10. The Pilot's Wife 11. Did You See the Sunrise? 12. Drowning Ruth 13....
Runs in the Family
A man walks into the bar and orders three double-shots of vodka. The bartender asks, "that's a lot of liquor, what's the problem?" The man replies, "I just found out my younger brother was gay." The next day, he comes back and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "What's wrong now?" The man says, "I just found out that...
You Might Be A Scrooge If...
If your favorite pastime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn characters with eggnog - you just might be a Scrooge
Chanukah Song (Version One)
Tell your friend Veronica It's time to celebrat Chanukah
Cat Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If I saw it first, it's mine. 3. If it's in my paw, it's mine. 4. If it looks like mine, it's mine. 5. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 6. If I can take it away from you, it's mine. 7. If there's more than one, ALL...
Politically correct cat definitions
My cat does not barf hairballs; he is a floor/rug redecorator. My cat does not break things; she helps gravity do its job. My cat does not fear dogs; they are merely sprint practice tools. My cat does not gobble; she eats with alacrity. My cat does not scratch; he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator. My cat does not yowl; he...
Cat Psychological Test
Answer the following questions to determine if your cat has psychological problems that require treatment by a professional therapist. Does your cat sleep 22 hours a day, and spend the other two hours in non-stop eating? Does your cat take frequent naps in annoying places, such as in the center of the dinner table, in the kitchen sink, or on...
Why God created animals
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?" Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me." And God said,...
Computer Hillbilly
Author Unknown (to the tune of 'The Beverly Hillbillies') Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed, A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed, But then one day he was talking to a recruiter, Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..." Windows, that is ... PCs.. workstations.. Well, the first...
What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?
Author Unknown General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers - but imagine if they did? HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" HELPLINE: "Did you put the key...
The Greatest Internet One-Liners
Author Unknown Home is where you hang your @ The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks. Great groups from little icons grow. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. C: is the root of all directories. Don't...
All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny
All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny 1. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket 2. Walk softly and carry a big carrot 3. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears 4. There's no such thing as too much candy 5. All work and no play can make you a basket...
Einstein's Speech
Author Unknown When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making. "I...
Apartment for Rent
Author Unknown A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way...
The Story of Randy the Rooster
Author Unknown A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of...
Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password
Author Unknown 10. E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy." 9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnap. 7. Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna. 5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer...
Dr. Seuss Explains Computers
Author Unknown If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon...
Bush Inaugural Theme Song
Author unknown, (to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke
One of the Benefits of the Y2K Bug
Author Unknown January 1, 2000 Dear Valued Employee: Re: Vacation Pay Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of...
The End of the Raven (by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat)
Henry Beard, From The Book: Poetry for Cats
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
Author Unknown, A Parody of "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe
Deteriorata
National Lampoon Radio Dinner Album
The Third Debate
Author Unknown For those who did not watch the presidential debate, here was what was said: Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the third presidential debate between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules: I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to...
The American Response to England's Revocation of Of Independence
We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!
England's Notice Of Revocation Of Independence
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
How Many List Members Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. Five to...
Darwin Awards 2000
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
The Raft
And you thought this only happened in the movies. Jerry swears this story about a rubber boat really happened to him...
A Heartwarming Story
The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
Customer "Support" At A Phone Company
I work in Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker just told me this true story that happened to him this morning. He had a dispute about a phone-card bill for long distance service from his long-distance carrier, which we shall refer to by the three-letter acronym TLA to protect the guilty.
The Landing
This is in fact a true letter written by an 8-year-old onboard a Quantus flight. She handed it to a flight attendant to give to the captain.
College Chemistry Humor
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Ain't Kids A Gas?
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? I hope you remember my story when they start getting frustrated.
English as a Fifth Language
These sayings were on a pad of paper my boss got in Chinatown:
Student Bloopers, Part 8 - Mars and Venus
Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of the differences between Men and Women offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University
The Psychic Dog
Author Unknown It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other....
A Little Extra Effort
In Melbourne, Fl. one of the radio stations paid money ($100-$500) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner: I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just...
Video Trouble
Phone call actually received by someone I know, from next-door neighbor: "Our cable TV is having interference right now, is yours?" "Not as far as I know... what channel are you watching?" "We're not watching a channel. We're playing a tape." During the Gulf war, here in Israel, there was a family watching the Cosby show, and taping it just...
The Bricklayer's Accident Report
This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick is this Bricklayer's report:
So You Think You're Having A Bad Day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
At the Airline Ticket Counter
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
Military Aircraft Registration Card
This was actually posted as a joke very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor) - and made the web department take it down immediately. (McDonnell Douglas, now a part of Boeing, is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.)
The Ultimate Email Urban Legend
Author Unknown A young man was diagnosed with a life-threatening bout of food poisoning after eating part of a cooked rat that had fallen into his eight-piece chicken dinner that he had purchased from Kentucky Fried Chicken. After his recovery, he felt great, and remembering that it was National Friendship week, he asked his geeky roommate to go out and...
One-Liners From Your Favorite Comics
p>A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too. - Jake Johansen A study in the Washington Post says that women have better...
The Bet
An elderly lady walked into a branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank building holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she would like to meet the President of Chase Manhattan Bank. Due to the amount of money involved, the teller seemed to think that that was a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag and seeing bundles of $1,000 bills which amounted to right around $3 million, telephoned the President's secretary to obtain an appointment for the woman.
The Importance of Correct Punctuation
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
God Was Just About Done Creating The Universe...
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
Love, Lust and Marriage
Love: Long drives through the countryside
A Little Kiss
Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.